When I first became a parent in Spain, I thought I was reasonably prepared for the cultural differences. After all, I had already lived in Spain for nearly a decade. I knew that dinner happened late, that grandparents were important, and that “just popping out for a quick coffee” could somehow turn into an afternoon social event.
Then I had a baby.
Suddenly, all those little differences in the Spanish way of life became very noticeable. How late children stay up. How involved (and sometimes overly so) the abuelos can be, and how much time families spend together. How comfortable Spanish parents seem to be bringing their children along to restaurants or a social event well past what I considered bedtime.
The more I watched Spanish families around me, the more I realised that there isn’t one single “Spanish parenting style”. Families are as different from one another as they are anywhere else. But there are some cultural patterns that can make parenting in Spain feel quite different from what an expat might expect.
And, with my eldest soon turning 10, there are several that have now become the norm for our Spanish-American family.
It is tempting to look at a Spanish parent allowing a child to stay out later, seeing a grandparent give a child another piece of chocolate, or watching a family bring young children to a late dinner and conclude that Spanish parents are simply less strict.
What you are actually seeing may be a different set of cultural expectations about family time, independence, discipline and childhood.
Spanish parenting isn’t one fixed formula. It is shaped by the same things that shape parenting everywhere – personality, income, education, geography, family structure and individual beliefs – but it also exists within a culture where family relationships and social connection are particularly prominent.
One of the biggest differences I noticed as an American parent in Spain was how naturally the extended family fits into everyday life.
In the US, it is hardly unusual for families to live several hours away from grandparents. Many American parents build their lives around childcare arrangements, school schedules, camps and extracurricular activities, often with grandparents playing a supporting role, especially if both parents work outside the home.
Of course, this varies enormously by family and location. But it is common for grandparents to be involved in childcare, from school pickups or afternoons at the park to meals.
I saw this first-hand after my first son was born.
My mother-in-law would take the bus to my house every Wednesday to weigh the baby at the local pharmacy. The first time she explained that we should always weigh him at exactly the same time, on the same day of the week and wearing the same clothes, I dutifully followed her instructions.
Until the day he pooped immediately before his 5:30 p.m. weigh-in.
While she doesn’t help with much of the day-to-day household routine anymore, her Sunday afternoon lunches are something my kids use as an anchor and a way to begin their week.
For an expat parent, this can be wonderful – and occasionally overwhelming.
Your children may have grandparents who want to feed them one more spoonful or slip them a piece of chocolate. Many Spanish grandparents show their love through food and attention. They may also let children stay up later than you would.
If there is one aspect of parenting styles in Spain that consistently surprises foreign parents, it is bedtime.
Spanish children really do tend to stay up later than many children in northern Europe or North America, although there is plenty of variation between families.
My own childhood bedtime in the United States had been 7:30 p.m. When I tell Spanish friends this, I usually have to explain that this meant actually in bed. We could read until 8, but then the lights went out, regardless of how bright it still was outside during summer.
In Spain, the evening often works differently.
Dinner may happen at 8:30 or 9 p.m. Older children may accompany their parents to a restaurant or visit friends in the evening. In the summer, when temperatures remain high well into the evening, being outside after sunset is a normal part of family life. It kills our bedtime routine, but you have to tire them out somehow!
In other words, the late bedtime is connected to the way Spanish society has traditionally organised work, meals, social life and family time.
Younger children often have earlier bedtimes, and many families establish routines that look very familiar to an American or British expat. In our own family, our children are in bed reading by 8:30 p.m. if they have school the next day, but we push that until 10 at weekends.
Another noticeable feature of family life in Spain is how readily children are included in the social world of adults. There is far less separation between children’s lives and adult social lives.
For an American parent accustomed to children’s activities being organised around their own schedules – sports practice, summer camps, birthday parties, playdates and early dinners – it is quite liberating that my kids are todo terreno, or all-terrain.
Children are exposed to conversations, social situations and extended family from an early age. They learn how to greet relatives, talk to adults, behave in restaurants and navigate crowded social situations.
Food is another major part of family life.
Spanish children may grow up eating the same foods as the adults rather than relying exclusively on a separate children’s menu. Fish, vegetables, legumes, yoghurt, fruit and olives are often introduced early. And because meals are often social occasions, eating isn’t necessarily something to be rushed through before the next activity.
The expectation that children take part in family life rather than existing alongside it is one of the starkest differences, but it has also given us a lot more freedom to keep living our own lives.
The idea that Spanish parents are simply “more relaxed” is too simplistic.
The parenting style in Spain and Spanish family life is often described as family-oriented, affectionate, social and permissive.
A major Spanish study involving more than 1,100 parents of children between six and 14 focused on two broad dimensions: warmth (affection, communication and emotional support) and strictness (rules, behavioural control and discipline).
The study pointed out that children from families classified as “indulgent” or “authoritative” showed better outcomes than those from authoritarian or neglectful families. Interestingly, the indulgent style, characterised by high warmth and relatively low strictness, performed particularly well in the Spanish sample.
That doesn’t mean Spanish parents don’t have rules. Instead, it suggests that warmth and connection are particularly important in Spanish family life, sometimes alongside fewer rigid rules than an expat parent might be accustomed to.
More recent research continues to question whether the same definition of “good parenting” applies equally across cultures. A 2026 study comparing adolescents in Spain and Germany found that warmth was positively associated with several measures of self-concept in both countries, while the relationship between strictness and outcomes varied by cultural context.
In other words, there is a cultural environment in which being close, involved and emotionally available to your children is highly valued.
Moving to Spain with children, or raising them here, can be an incredibly rewarding experience. It also means figuring out which parts of Spanish family life you want to embrace and which parts of your own culture you want to keep.
You don’t have to abandon your bedtime routine because your Spanish friends eat dinner at 9 p.m., and you can absolutely feel no guilt about feeding your kid pizza on a Friday night.
But living in Spain offers opportunities that can be difficult to recreate elsewhere.
Mine speak two languages fluently and know how to approach different cultural expectations. Their abuela’s fabada and croquetas are their favourite meal. Family, neighbours and their parents’ friends are deeply woven into everyday life.
For me, the biggest lesson has been that there isn’t one “right” way to raise children.
There is simply the way your family works, and then there are all the fascinating cultural assumptions you discover when you raise children somewhere different from where you grew up.
For expat parents, there is one other practical consideration that is easy to overlook amid the excitement of moving to Spain: making sure your family has access to healthcare when you need it.
Appropriate family health insurance in Spain can make navigating appointments, paediatric care and unexpected medical needs much easier. It is one less thing to worry about while you’re busy figuring out everything else, from school schedules to Spanish dinner times.
Raising children abroad already comes with enough surprises. You don’t need your healthcare arrangements to be one of them.
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If you are searching for health insurance in Spain, Caser Expat Insurance has the right policy for you!
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